Bachelor City: The Awkward Moment

An awkward moment need not stem from any positive action. In fact, it usually stems from inaction. Take for instance, the situation where a lively conversation is stifled by one's inability to perpetuate it. It is not by the positive action of any of the parties privy to the conversation that an awkward scene eventuates and a deafening silence permeates the room. It is because of inaction (in this case, to keep talking) that awkwardness ensues. Positive actions to dispel the awkwardness often does nothing but propagate (if not exaggerate) it.

Rewind a couple of days.

"Lunch was beckoning and..."

Actually, let's rewind a few months.

I was lying down in bed with my eyes fixed on the ceiling, but they were empty and saw naught of the aged, white-washed roof, fraught with hair-line cracks that spread from one end of the room to the other. If one were to look straight into my eyes at that very moment, they would see through the shroud of mist that perpetually surrounded my hidden sentiments - safeguards from my subconscious yearning to liberate them; from the persistent clawing at the fortifications that kept them at bay. My eyes were visual portals to my heart. I was thinking of 'her'.

Fast forward a month.

I gave up on 'her'.

... And now that we have some context... Two days ago:

Lunch was beckoning, and it was a nice sunny day. I was sitting on some grass, which was slightly damp from the previous evening's chill, having a dying conversation with a friend and 'her' (who is also a friend but let's distinguish them for the sake of convenience). My friend, who was becoming increasingly restless from his disinterest with the topic at hand, sprung from his lazy posture, grabbed his skateboard and skated away - a 'rolling caricature'.

And so I was left alone with 'her' . Our dying conversation inevitably died with the exit of my friend; its ashes scattered by a comfortable breeze expected of a beautiful Spring afternoon, only to be replaced by deafening silence. Awkward.

"So, [Wanker], are you seeing anyone at the moment?"

Hah.

Awkward.

"No [haha]. I'm not."

"Why not?"

"Priorities"

(At which point I thought to myself, "What the fuck does that even mean?", but I'll leave that for another post.)

"Oh."

"But that's not normal is it? I should be thinking about these things at my age hey?"

"Not at all. Everyone has different priorities. Besides, these things just happen."

"Oh? I don't think so. Half the reason why I don't want to get involved is because I know I have to work for it, and if I have to work for it, I'm disinclined to go for it. Things don't just happen. You have to make it happen." And because I didn't work for it, I lost it.

"Awww I don't know. I mean my boyfriend and I kinda just happened."

Awkward.

"Well, that may be the case. But I've been single for two and a half years. Nothing has happened because I haven't made anything happened."

"I think that if you think about going for it too much, it won't happen, but things happen when you don't really think about it."

And therein lies the irony: the girl who slipped away because I didn't think about going for it, telling me that things will happen if I don't think about it. Yet here we are, physically close yet emotionally miles apart.

... At this point the 'rolling caricature', who had grown tired of skateboarding re-entered the conversation.

Awkward.