Quick Entry: Unfortunate Children

Swiveling on my chair, 10AM in the morning, waiting for my student to complete his differentiation of trigonometric functions, I chance upon a bundle of notices pinned up on the (rightful) teachers' noticeboard. The documents detail various medical conditions that particular students have and fuck me dead, I thought I had it bad (at one point I had some dermatitis condition on my face. Even though it has recovered to a degree, my face now looks like... my face). There are really some poor kids out there:

• Student A: Allergic to peanut butter
• Student B: Allergic to mosquitoes
• Student C: Allergic to bee-stings
• Student D: Leukemia
• Student E: Severe eczema
• Student F: Tourette syndrome
• Student G: Allergic to sunlight

That last one must really suck.

Someone once told me: "You can always have it worse." It was the last thing I wanted to hear at the time.

Someone out there is saying: "Told you so."

FYI, I tutor kids at a primary school.

Children

If there is one vitiating factor inherent in long term relationships, it is the prospect of having children. Cue backlash from promising mothers and pedophiles.

My cynicism is justified; it has been fostered by my occupation: part-time tutor, teaching classes (hordes) of adolescents (miscreants).

Rewind to last Sunday. A boy, herein referred to as "Crazy Fucker", and his arch nemesis (another boy, herein referred to as "Problem Child") are (as usual) misbehaving. Both are age 10.

PC: Sir, Crazy Fucker stole my glasses case again.

Wanker Guy: Crazy Fucker, sit down and give him back his property. Don't talk to Problem Child. Don't look at him. Don't even have your face positioned towards his general direction.

CF: This is mine.

PC: No it isn't! He's lying.

Wanker Guy: I saw you taking it Crazy Fucker. Give it back and sit down.

Moments later. The class task is to make as many words out of 'imprisonment'

PC (giggling): Can I show Crazy Fucker a word sir?

Wanker Guy: ... Sure...

CF: You bastard! You wrote penis on my paper!

Wanker Guy: Hey! No swearing! Problem Child, go back to your seat.

Some Girl: Penis? You can't spell penis from imprisonment. There's no U in it.

Wanker Guy: Actually...

Another Girl: Are you even allowed to write that word?

Wanker Guy: Well I guess technically it's a real word...

CF: Penis.

Wanker Guy: Look Crazy Fucker, I don't want you swearing or mentioning human genitalia anymore. There's something wrong with a kid who does it so much at this age. Where do you pick this up from?

CF: I dunno. School.

Wanker Guy: Well, I might have to speak to your parents.

Silence... Momentarily.

Some Girl: Sir! Crazy Fucker called me a lesbian.

Wanker Guy: Crazy Fucker, I don't want to tell you again. Stop calling Problem Child gay, stop calling the girls lesbian, stop saying penis and vagina, or I'll send you out.

CF: But the math teacher called me gay!

PC: He just implied that you're gay.

CF: Same thing. Is he allowed to do that?

Wanker Guy: Well... I don't think he's meant to verbally abuse you...

CF: So should I dob him in?

Wanker Guy: No.

Crazy Fucker continued to intermittently (and vociferously) mention human genitals throughout the rest of the class.

In retrospect, the events that ensued were rather comical,but I've found that often when one finds something comical in retrospect, the said event is often contemporaneously... not so comical . Teaching such students is not as funny as it sounds. I hate children.